Feeling Blah

I can't wait for the summer to be over. I didn't think I would ever say that because I'm really not looking forward to this semester. It is going to be the most difficult one yet. I have over 60 observation hours to complete, along with four video-taped lessons that I have to teach, and Dr. Zane's American Novel class. I haven't read any of the books yet, and that's my own fault, but it is summer time and I feel that I should have this time to relax. The books aren't that long and I will be able to get through them easily.

I am looking forward to this semester in some ways. It is my last semester as a live-in college student. The spring semester will be my student teaching (which I think will be lonely and possibly boring). I really have to make an effort to enjoy this semester! College has gone by SO fast. :( I never thought it was going to end, but now here it is. It's almost over.


This is one of my latest photos that I edited. It's my eye; I just did lots of crazy things to it. Some of them are tinted, on others I changed the eye color, and others I changed the eye color and added eye shadow and eye liner.

I still really love doing this to pictures. It's somewhat of a stress relief for me. I enjoy just sitting back and being creative with pictures and letting my creativity spew forth.

I've wanted to do a collage like this for quite some time. I finally found the right picture to do it with, and I'm very pleased with the results.





I've been really emotional lately, and I'm not sure if it's because my college life is coming to an end and I'm just stressed about that, or if I'm slipping back into a depression again. Some of my emotions make me think that my depression might be coming back, like how aware of my weight I am. When I'm not depressed, I don't think about that at all and the weight comes off easier. I was working so hard this summer to lose weight and I only lost 1 or 2 pounds, but gained them right back. It's really hard to try to lose weight in the summer when you don't have something to cook with! I really feel like when the semester starts back up I'll be able to lose the weight better. I'll be really busy (no time to just eat when I'm bored), the salad bar will always be available to eat, I have scheduled times to go to the gym during the week, and my motivation will be stronger.

I can understand that maybe my emotions are just from getting ready to exit the college scene, because that's a pretty emotional thing to go through. I hope that's all it is. I don't want to go back on that medication. It made my hair fall out. It did help me lose 5-7 pounds though. But still, I don't wanna go back on it. I don't wanna be dependent on it.

This year will be rough without Seth. I spent ALL my time with him last year. He's the best, the greatest, the most wonderfulest ever. I have my friends, of course, that I'll be spending time with, and I'm on the event planning committee this year, but just not having Seth there for me will be hard. I like going to give him a big hug after a hard day, and I am really REALLY going to miss eating all my meals with him :( :(

It will be ok though. I'll have a lot of fun even though he's not here, and I'll get to see him often. I just really hope he gets the job at UC. I realllllly feel like he's going to get it, I just wish they'd contact him soon. It is going to be really exciting for him, and for me!

I'm so ready for some parts of this next year, but very not ready for other parts......

Until next time,
Alli

Pretty excited for next week...

I'm pretty excited for next week. Tomorrow afternoon I'm going to eat lunch with my dad's extended family. After that is over I'm headin' to Clay to see my baby :) I'm planning on chillin' at his crib all day Monday; then on Tuesday Seth has an interview at the University of Charleston at 9am! So I'm going to go to the mall while he interviews. After he's done we're going back to my house and on Wednesday morning the whole family is getting up early to go to Kings Island til Thursday. Friday we'll come home, and I'm supposed to go to a wedding on Saturday, but the invitation never came :( So I don't know if I'll actually be going to that or not. It looks like a busy, but good, week ahead :)

What's on my brain:

I feel like I am never going to lose this weight; probably because I don't really NEED to lose it. I HATE the muffin-top look though. I still fit into my 7's, but the love-handles bunch out over the tops of my shorts... and FORGET low rise pants. I'm lookin' better in the bikini, but 10-15 pounds still need to come off.
My arms, legs, butt, and back are getting pretty toned though. Good ole GSC fitness center.... and when that's not available I suck it up and do a P90X video.
I've been doing the Ab Ripper like I'm supposed to - every other day. It's definitely getting easier. I still hate it though, but I wanna look good.

I'm really excited for Seth's interview on Tuesday. He's nervous but I KNOW he'll do great :) He has an outstanding personality and the interview will go just fine. I'd love for him to get this job because they would help pay for his Master's degree. That also means he doesn't have to start paying on his student loans for his under-grad quite yet. It also means he could afford an engagement ring sooner :)

I have this awesome new little kitty named Simba. He's a riot. The only problem is that he discovered the road today. I was taking Buddy, the dog, for a walk and I had barely even stepped out onto the road and Simba came running after us and jumped out into the road and crossed to the other side. I decided I didn't like any of that so I told Buddy to sit while I retrieved the cat. In the mean time, a little old lady started driving up, which worried me cause I hadn't caught the cat yet. Simba bounded up onto the road but I caught him. I waved a "I'm sorry!" look to the lady and she smiled and waved, but about that time Buddy decided he was tired of sitting in our yard, so he crossed the road too. So there I am, with a cat in one arm, trying to get the dog out of the road for the lady to get through. Whew... Stupid cat. It scared me. I love that little guy and I'd cry forever if he got run over.

Well, that's all that's really on my mind.... tata for now.

Some poems

Forget About Yesterday - A Sonnet

Dull light in the morning over the hills
gives you a chance to start over once more.
And hope lends strength for what your day wills.
You need not be worried of what is in store.
Yesterday was hard so your prayers for today
are blessings abundant, but dare not assume
an easy ride through. Life’s assorted bouquet
of events may cause your spirit to wilt or to bloom,
so keep your head high and try to withstand.
Never forget how to fight through the strife—
using all your might to grab hold with both hands.
Know this: So many important things in your life
happen when you least expect. Never give
away those moments that allow you to live.




What Makes Her Beautiful

It’s no doubt she looks good in a picture and the mirror agrees
that she’s America’s Next Top Model material. She seems to have it altogether,
but looks are deceiving. No one knows she starves herself into her size threes,
but that’s what makes her beautiful.

Her purse matches her shoes and she knows all the beauty tricks, but she has to steal
all these tips from her magazines. The only reason her lip gloss doesn’t smear
is because she frequently visits that reassuring mirror. She knows she isn’t real,
but that’s what makes her beautiful.

Relaying for life, studying hard, and donating to Goodwill were
never enough to impress the crowd. So she stopped using her best qualities--
her good sense of humor and genuine smile—because no one ever told her
that’s what makes her beautiful.

Explain to her that straight, white teeth don’t make her beautiful. Please show
her that she doesn’t need hair extensions and manicures. All she needs
is confidence, contentment, and a chance to be herself. She needs to know
that’s what makes her beautiful.

It has been over a year since my last post here and I don't even know where to start.

I think I'll just talk a little about what's happened since last year and try to keep this up as a journal-type blog.

May 2009 - Started growing "Vidalia," a marigold, in my window
May 09 - came home after finishing my sophomore year of college/couldn't find a job
Summer 09 - started talking to a boy (until Aug.) which was a waste of my time

Summer 09 - visited Mary Sue, helped out with a week of Engergy Express
Summer 09 - had to put my cat of 17 years, Sparkle, down

August 2009 - I became an RA at GSC where I made a lot of amazing new friends
August 09 - started my junior year of college

August 09 - started hanging out a lot with a really cool boy

August 09 - started gaining some weight :(

September 09 - On my birthday, the 18th, I got my first tattoo and my belly button pierced much to the disaproval of my parents/the cool boy went with me

September/October 09 - had a lot of fun with football season, friends, school, and watching a lot of flag football

October 09 - went to the Fright Farm in PA with friends and a cool boy

October 09 - "Vidalia" is now approximately 4 feet tall!

November 09 - achieved official boyfriend/girlfriend status with Seth Daniel Canfield on the 8th

December 09 - went to a Pittsburgh Steelers game with my boyfriend!

December 09 - Christmas happened/Seth met the whole family

December 09 - finsished out the semester
December 09 - "Vidalia" finally kicked the bucket...

January 2010 - Started the second semester of my junior year

January 10 - started working out in the gym again/did P90X irregularly

February 10 - had my first Valentine's Day with Seth at Cafe Cimino in Sutton, WV/It was a wonderful day!

March 10 - went to Disney in Orlando, Florida with Seth and his family for the week of Spring Break

April 10 - Went to the spring formal at GSC with Seth

May 10 - Seth graduated college and we celebrated 6 months on the 8th

May 10 - I finished my Junior year (and the best year) of college

May 10 - I got a new kitty and named him SIMBA!

June 10 - stayed at Glenville for the summer as an RA and took a summer class
June 10 - planted some daisies in Vidalia's old pot

June 10 - I had Lasik eye surgery!!! I see clearly now! :)

AND

July 2010 - I am currently enjoying my summer, going back and forth from home to Glenville during the week, taking trips to Kings Island and Cedar Point with my boyfriend and family, and enjoying life completely.

I've been doing this Picnik thing on the interweb. I love it. It is a bunch of photo editing software and my mom got me the Premium settings for Christmas. I take my camera anytime I know I'll be outside and there will be good potential photos. My camera just broke on July 2nd.... during a fireworks show!! Boo! No pictures for me for awhile. Here's a few I've done in the past:

Seth is looking for a job. He has a phone interview on Wednesday for a Resident Director position at the Univ. of Charleston where he would work part-time and work on getting his Masters degree in Higher Education. I'm so proud of him!

I have one more Praxis test to take... English Content!! SCARY! I've done fine on all my others, but this one is tricky. I need to start studying. After I pass this Praxis I will make final preparations for my Student teaching semester in the spring and my graduation in May.

I'm trying to lose about 10-15 pounds. At the end of last May and during the summer I weighed 125. I weigh 140 now and I'm struggling to lose the weight because I guess its technically not weight that my body needs to lose. But it's a good thing for me because I've started eating very healthy and going to the gym regularly. I've lost 2 pounds but gained some weight in muscle. Mom says, "Don't be a slave to the scale, go by how your clothes fit." And she's right. I may weigh 145 but my clothes might fit like I weigh 137 due to muscle gain.

I stopped going to the tanning bed. I've just decided that it isn't good for my skin and I don't want to risk myself for cancer that way. I'll probably tan before my wedding and other special occasions, but not year-round. I still get plenty of sun from the literal sun anyway.

That's about it for now. More soon.

Alli

I'm at home. I'm taking a break from cleaning my room and unpacking. I realized when I got home that I have way too much stuff. I needed to make room for the important things. I'm getting rid of stuff. I'm also getting rid of some of my fat clothes that I still have. I wanted to hang onto them in case I gained weight again, but I decided I'm not going to let myself gain weight. I will stay in the 6-8 range that I am in, and I will not buy a 9! I will not buy large shirts! I will buy only medium and small shirts.

My point is, my room is demolished. There is crap everywhere. I still have to unpack the van and my car. But I wanted to start by emptying my room to the best of my ability. So I'm taking a break.

Here's something fun. I'm going to learn to play the banjo this summer and hopefully I'll be able to be a part of the bluegrass band in the fall. I'm really excited to learn. I've wanted to play the banjo since I was 5 or so. Since I already play the guitar, my banjo instructor in the fall, Buddy, said it should be really easy for me to pick up. And I think that's great :)

He lent me a banjo for the summer and gave me a 498 page video e-book thingy for my computer. I absolutely cannot wait to start, but I really need to get all the other things in the world straightened up before I can actually sit down and not worry about having to do other things. I really want to focus hardcore and learn it.

I am finally registered for the summer Biology class at WVUP. It starts June 15 and ends July 9. The class goes MTWRF from 9-12:45. I'm going to be so tired.

I've applied for some jobs. I really want one. I need one. But the unfortunate thing is that this class is right smack dab in the middle of summer. Who wants to hire someone who can't work for a whole month? I mean, I could work and take the class. But I already know I'm going to be exhausted after that class is over. Monday-Friday! It's going to wear me out.

So I think that if I don't get a job it'll still be ok. That just means I'll have more time to focus on the banjo and get events organized for the youth group this summer. That probably also means I can go to camp with them again.

I'll have money. I have a savings account, that I don't really like to tap into, but I could. In the fall I'll have the RA job, adding a sweet $680.00 a month to my checking account. So if I use money out of my savings this summer, I can replace it easily when I get my first check.

I am happy to be home, but I am going to miss everyone SO badly. I'm going to miss Tanya, Joanna, Daryl, and Cecily pretty badly because they're all either graduating or transferring. As for my other good buddies, I'll miss them. But I'll have many opportunities to see them all this summer. So it'll be alright. I just hate meeting people, growing to love them, and then losing them right as I appreciate their friendships the most. :( I'll see them all again, eventually. Even if I have to fly to Canada!!

I think that's all I can come up with for now.
:)

some stuff that's happened within the past month or so

Ok, we don't have much time. And I just want to clarify that my "bold" button isn't pushed right now. But now it is. And I would also just like to clarify that I didn't tell it to underline anything. It's just doing it.

Here's some stuff that's happened within the past month or so.

I'd like to start with my toenails.
As a group, we all got together and decided to paint our toenails. This is what I ended up doing, and it stayed and stayed and stayed. I finally took it off yesterday and put a normal color on.

So, these pictures are of Tanya. And holy smokes its not underlined anymore! I don't know folks. Something fishy is going on. Well, anyway, here's my favorite Tanya. I can't remember if she had been drinking, or if she had just been to the gym, but for some reason her face was bright red. She said she was burning up and asked me if I had anything cold in my refrigerator. I told her she could use whatever she could find.
She found frozen pineapple.

Her nipples must have been a little warm, too.

So a couple of days ago, a bunch of us decided to go to the waffle hut. The bad thing about going to the waffle hut at night, is that all the creeps come out. It's open 24/7 so you know that the inbred, hillbilly rednecks all come out. See what I mean!

Would you believe I was the only normal one there? Everyone else had issues. Mary Sue had something on her mind all evening...

And Tanya stole Amber's phone so she could text her husband all night long. She didn't pay a bit of attention to us.

Whatever.

I don't have a lot of time, so I'll have to finish my blog of stuff that's happened in the past month or so another time.

I just want to end with this picture. I was driving back to Glenville, and I was mad because I didn't want to go to Glenville, so I was driving fast-ish. I came around this turn and I was like "WHOA!" So I slammed on my breaks, slid a little bit, and backed up until I could get this picture taken.


And I think its super pretty.

Ok, thats it for now.

Mr. Special

I've been writing this paper for one of my English classes, and I realized, "It's been awhile since you've taken a break. Why don't you blog?" Ok.

I have seen the man of my dreams! He is real, he is alive, and he isn't a dork. He's real living flesh and blood, but the only problem is that I've never met him. THAT'S OK though. I will... maybe. It's entirely possible.

The way I'm looking at this is that its my turn now. I've been waiting, almost for forever. I'll be 21 in September. I told Mary Sue that if I didn't have a boyfriend, or any possibilities by the end of the next fall semester, I'll turn gay. It will be an overnight thing, too. I'm sure of it. I'll wake up and like girls.

Sometimes I really do look at myself and go "what's wrong with me?" (and here's when all my friends go, 'oh alli, there's nothing wrong with you. They are the ones who have problems'. And by "they" you mean the boys that aren't interested.) I'm not actually saying, "I have so many physical flaws and moral failures and terrible personality traits that nobody wants to date me", I'm saying, "I think I'm wearing boy repelent". I want to know who makes it. And I want it to be discontinued from production.

I'm going to eat this cupcake.

I went to my fridge to get milk, and I saw a can of coke. So I'm eating mini cupcakes and drinking coca-cola. Life is pretty good at the moment.

I really do remember actually feeling that way though. That there was something really wrong with me. But, I know I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. So its not really something thats wrong with me, its that I'm so special that nobody can match me. Someday I'll meet Mr. Special.

That's really been the only thing on my mind lately.
It just happens to effect everything I do.
I can't sleep, I can't concentrate. I don't want to go to classes.
It just comes in various forms at various times and I stop to think about it in different ways.
ALLI GET OVER YOURSELF!
SHUT UP THIS IS MY BLOG, I CAN SAY WHAT I WANT!!!
Oh. sorry.
That's right. Now where was I?
This has been a good blog post. It is lengthy enough that it seems that I've put time and effort into its production. I find it somewhat humorous. I took a break from my paper, and now I feel a bit more rested.

The 8 o'clock bell just tolled. It's time to go.